"for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance." Philippians 1:19
This very sweet Atlanta police officer was just killed by a drunk driver. Looking at the picture you might brush it off as "another tragedy". But, she was one of several officers that are at our church every week. They have some pretty heavy security there for a variety of reasons. But, she was oh so friendly to our sweet Lucas. She would talk to him every time he asked questions about her walkie talkies, or badge, or whatever he asked her about. Sweet sweet woman.
And her life was cut short by a tragic accident caused by a drunk driver --(I think yesterday).
I am in tears...I didn't really know her personally other than those interactions with Lucas. But, how do I explain this to him? The boy who LOVES everything to do with Firemen and Police Offiers? He will surely know she is not there. How do I explain "drunk driver?" How do I explain, he just talked to her a few days ago and now she's gone?
So so so so Sad.......
more info here:
http://www.myfoxatlanta.com/dpp/news/local_news/Officer-Hit-By-Vehicle-on-I-75-85-Split-in-Atlanta-201201224-pm-pk#.TyChmIzoPXI.gmail
We won't be telling Lucas until AFTER his birthday Tomorrow...We have to tell him before church on Sunday. Just so hard.
A song plays on the radio as I prepare breakfast and send Isaac off to school this morning.
And I remember...
I Can Only Imagine
I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I
fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Sun
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I
fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
i can only imagine
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
It was sung by our dear friend John CZ, on a Spring day in 2004 at Jacob's funeral.
Today, "I can only imagine"
what it will be like
to walk with Jesus and be "surrounded by His Glory".
"What will my heart feel?"
Will I dance
or will I just be still?
Will I just be in awe?
Will I stand in His presence or
fall on my knees?
I also wonder...what Jacob has already experienced in the Presence of God,
and what it will be like to experience that presence alongside him someday.
So why does this song hit me today?
Well, today would be
Jacob's 14th Birthday
The last time we celebrated a birthday with him he was turning just 6 years old in 2004.
...And right around that same time
a little baby boy was being born in China.
The date identified for Lucas's birthday is 1/26/04.
The thing is, many times these dates are estimates...guesses...
because as is common,
our boy was "found" by a man and brought to the orphanage.
So, his birthdate could be "off".
There really are no permanent records to indicate his exact age.
But, we know he was just days old when he was brought there in early February.
(here's the eternal question...could Jacob and Lucas have the same birthdate????)
This week, and today in particular,
I am once again
in Awe of God's Soveriegnty...
I can only imagine and look back at His plan.
In the midst of it all, I was wrapped up in wondering if we would see another birthday with Jacob,
but really facing the fact that it would probably not happen.
He lived another 3 months.
At the time, God's Soveriegnty was a big huge Question Mark in my mind.
I wanted to go to battle with Him over His Plans.
I wanted to give MY opinion
and
offer My Heart's Desire as a suggestion for Him.
He listened.
But, He had another Plan.
and
dare I say
His Plan was painful for me and a lot of other people.
But,
It was still His Sovereign Will.
And He still deserves the Glory.
My heart aches to know and wonder how we would be celebrating with Jacob.
So, yes there is still a rawness to this day.
But, I know that is ok.
I've been through countless birthdays and anniversaries without my 3 boys.
I know what this stuff is like.
Now, here is the surreal part of this day/week for me...
I'm still planning a birthday this week.
and it's almost like I am picking up where I left off 8 years ago...
Lucas will turn 8 this week.
He has rambunctious spirit, determined nature, and stubborn will....
Can I just say these are characteristics our Jacob also had?
I still shake my head sometimes ...
God must have been chuckling in heaven the day this boy was born...
I feel like God was saying....
"Do I have a family for YOU!!"
Lucas can not and does not replace our dear Jacob.
But, can you see?
Can you see
that even through all the pain involved--
Jacob's journey
Lucas's journey--
(which by the way carries it's own set of wounds and pain that we will never fully know.)
through unanswered questions
and
pain
He weaves all the details together to make a beautiful tapestry of our lives?
We only see the underside of the tapestry, but He sees the upperside and carefully places each thread where it needs to be.
Someday, we too will see the upperside of the tapestry
and on that day
we will also be
Surrounded by His Glory
What will your heart do?
Will you Dance?
Will you Sit still?
My prayer today is that all who read this will know without a shadow of a doubt that they will be In God's Presence for all eternity so we can sit and bask in His Glory together. Wouldn't that be cool? I don't even know a lot of people that read this, but wouldn't it just be the coolest thing ever to meet up in heaven? Hey, I could introduce you to Jacob, Ben and Sam...awesome!
God has a plan for that, and I'm just going to share a small piece of it here...
John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life".
Rom. 5:8
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Rom. 10:9-10
"That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved"
None of this:
the pain
the remembering
the hope
the healing
the believing
has any meaning
without
Faith in the One who Created us for His Glory.
I'm praying for you dear ones
I'm praying that God would work
in and through our journey
and yours
to draw you to a place of relationship
with HIM
He has the Power to change lives
He has the Power to heal brokenness
Eph 2:8-9
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast."
P.S.
and by the way, Happy Birthday to sweet Elizabeth today as well--my dear dear friend KB had a baby the exact same day as I did in 1998....Today she celebrates 14 glorious years! We love you E.
Happy Birthday Jacob!
We miss you
I can only imagine
What you are experiencing today in the Presence of God...
This weekend was filled with some new culture for our family, thanks to our boy Lucas being in our family. He was so excited about Chinese New Year. He has told me about it for months. He spoke of special foods they ate there in addition to fireworks and parties. He really wanted to see a spectacular fireworks display this "New Year" but we just can't quite seem to deliver on that one.
Our weekend consisted of getting together for lunch yesterday with a new group of friends that have children adopted from China.
And then today we went to the Chinese Cultural Center/China Town--in Atlanta (it's a smaller venue but still a good taste of the events)
This was the Dragon Parade/dance
Part of the "tradition" was to put money in the mouth of the dragon after the dance was done. Some people had the traditional red envelopes, but we just tossed our money in and the dragon seemed ok with that...
Lucas spied something that he thought he recognized to eat and got very excited about it. It looked like a leaf with sticky rice inside and meat.
But, once he tasted it, he made this face...I don't think it was quite what he expected. And he kept asking for "sauce" but they didn't have any. So, it got a "rejection" from the young man...
Chinese dancers and other performers also entertained for quite a while.
It was fun to experience some new culture with our boy and so much of it he recognized and really seemed to love.
Tonight is the "eve" of the "New Year" celebration which will go on for about 2 weeks. We will see if we can celebrate some more in the next few days.
FYI this is the Year of the Dragon for those who want to know. There are many Chinese traditions and beliefs that we don't ascribe to, but this was a good way to just share in our boy's history and something familiar.
A friend posted this video on Facebook, and I just was blown away by this young man. God is using him to "see" His holiness. I would say he has a much clearer vision of God's holiness than a lot of us do because he sees God without any barrier or distraction or preconceived notion. God has opened his eyes to see clearly even without earthly vision. Oh that I had such clear vision as this beautiful child.
Open the eyes of my heart Lord
I want to see You
To see you High and lifted up
Shining in the Light of your Glory
Pour out your power and love
as we sing
Holy Holy Holy
Maybe this touches me so deeply because I have seen Lucas's faith evolving --- from someone who had never even heard the name of Jesus 10 months ago, to someone who demands we pray every mealtime and bedtime and in between if there is a need "why don't we pray right now momma?". He sings out with all his heart, the songs he hears in church, without shame. He even "pretends" to be our pastor and worship leader. The eyes of Lucas's heart have been opening and are so receptive to God's word and teaching. He's like a little sponge. I think I'm going to teach him this song. I'm sure he's gonna love it.
Each day is getting a little better with the wearing schedule. We are not being rigid about it, but particularly if we go out someplace, I'm asking him to put them on so I don't have to carry him and he can be more motivated to actually walk.
Getting them on and off has been getting easier and easier. Whew! So glad for that.
Somehow I had in my head that we could put shoes and socks on these feet and just leave them there and not worry about getting them on and off all the time. But, with the style of skinny jeans he likes to wear, that just ain't practical. So, we've been taking the shoes off, but, fyi, slip ons don't really "slip on" very well when a foot is stationary and not flexible.
So today, Lucas discovered he could slip his prosthesis off after pulling his jeans down past his knees, but without completely removing them, thus also keeping the shoes and socks on as well. He was so excited, because...drum roll please.....
"it's just like a fireman"
you see, since he has seen how they do this so many times he knows they leave their boots and pants almost attached and sitting right by their truck door or next to their bed so they can just "jump right into them" in a hurry. So, with great pride and a huge grin on his face, this is what he has decided to do as well...
it's not quite as simple as just jumping into them, since he has to put on a sock first and then the inner lining, but he is very excited about the fact that they are just sitting and waiting for him "just like a fireman's boots" (although he called them 'boats')
on a separate yet related note...
Today I asked Lucas if his little feet that he had removed ever hurt him in the past. I asked because he never once has said he wishes he had his feet back. He said "yes"...I think he often walked relatively long distances to school or ran around a lot outside. He said when he did that his feet would hurt him a lot. Now he has no pain because they are gone and he seems just relieved. We have a way to go with getting the kinks worked out and the knees to bend, etc. But, he is only looking forward. He is NOT looking back. I have so much to learn from this little man. And his determination is contagious.
(another side note? can I do that?) this is gross so if you don't like gross don't read any further...
today we went to the grocery store. Lucas saw a bottle in the middle of the parking lot with something in it and said "we can't leave dat der". He walked several parking places over and made me pick it up. It totally disturbed him that someone would leave garbage like that in the middle of the parking lot. After it was too late, and I had already picked it up, I realized it was open and full of pee. BLAAAAAHHHHCCCHHHH!!!!!
To honor my sweet son, I carried it all the way to the garbage can by the front door and tossed it. But, seriously....that is GROSS! I scrubbed my hands with those santizing wipes at the front door and then immediately went to the bathroom and washed up!!!! felt like I needed to take a shower.
Today Peter, Lucas and I took a journey to the Mall of Georgia to look for a new pair of shoes for those new feet
Finally!!!
Lucas put his legs on in the car and walked all the way to the store, through the mall and into Old Navy where we found a sweet pair of slip-ons for $10 on sale....wahoo!!!
When we were checking out, the clerk said she was about to scold us for taking picutres in the store. I guess there is a corporate policy about it. But, then she saw that it appeared to be a big deal even though she didn't know what it was. Then when she found out, she said she would have bent the rules anyway.
look at those HUGE feet....these are size TWO!!! prior to surgery he was in a toddler size 6.
That's a big leap!
This pose was Lucas's idea...
Then after a great day of walking and shopping, we rewarded the boy with a rare opportunity to actually jump on those trampolines at the mall. (we don't normally do that stuff)...He had a blast!!!
ok, maybe that's stretching it a bit...
but, I couldn't resist.
Today, I promised my boys I'd make homemade doughnuts. Seriously, of all the things I have made, I have never done doughnuts. But, my mom gave me her old recipe for "Raised Do-Nuts" that she used to make for my big brother Scott every Saturday morning when he would have guys over to play Poker. (i know i know--but hey, at least he wasn't drinkin liquour...on Saturday morning).
So, in a sweet way this is sort of a family tradition. So much for a healthy breakfast. But, I do know Lucas LOVES them from our trips to Krispy Kreme. Now I don't claim in any way to be KK. But, these things are pretty stinkin' good if I may say so myself.
mom's handwritten recipe
this is the "original" donut cutter from all those years ago (Scott if you are reading this, it can be "bought" for the right price) =) maybe!
dat's a whole lot of donut....
yep, fried in oil
and consumed at a rapid unkown pace by the young man. I have no clue how many he actually ate. He just parked himself in front of the plate and chowed down. Eventually he said, "dats' enuf"
Peter even jumped off the diet plan for this one. Only one or two, so he still was pretty amazing.
Now, it's time for me to stop putting off getting on the treadmill....argh! 2p.m.
here's the recipe as I added a few notes to it after doing it and having a few "minor" issues:
Mom’s Raised Do-nuts
(not sure why she put that hyphen in there)
1 c. hot mashed potatoes (used 1 c. water, boiled added 2/3 c. instant potatoes 1/2 tbs butter--no milk (try?)
1 oz. compressed yeast (I used fresh yeast)
1 1/2 c. warm water
2/3 c. shortening
2/3 c. sugar
1 tsp. salt
2 eggs
6 1/2 c. sifted flour (I didn’t sift, but would like to try sifted) I added A LOT more flour than this.
Dissolve yeast in water, let stand 10 minutes.
Cream shortening and sugar in mixer.
Add HOT potatoes.
cool
Add yeast/water to potatoes.
mix in mixer
add Salt, eggs, flour
Mix--(I added a lot more flour to this because it was really sticky at this point)
Try using Bosch to knead the dough and get it so it doesn’t stick to sides. It’s a very soft dough, but at first it was very sticky with only 6 1/2 c. flour. Can knead by hand.
Put in sprayed glass bowl in oven set to “proof” for 1 hour.
Remove and roll out to about 1/4”? on well floured surface.
Cut with doughnut cutter, but make sure doughnut holes are separated from doughnuts for rising and other dough is not touching individual doughnuts. I just left them sit on the counter to rise (apx. 1 hour) (if not separated, they will get stuck together and are hard to pull apart)
Fry in oil on top of stove. (recipe says 360 degrees) Do smallish batches and watch temperature (I set stove to medium/high to heat oil, but seemed too high for first batches. medium low seems better)
