It's one of "those" days again.
They come around every year.
How does it happen that another year can pass without this precious boo boo in my life?
that's a big year
"Someone" would be driving this year.
I have a feeling he would have been well over 6' tall.
Would his beautiful blonde hair still be blonde?
Would he be a respectable young man?
only God truly knows (yet does not need to answer that)
his life was cut short (at least in our eyes)--
We know God's Sovereign plan was beyond our understanding.
(4 months old--about 19 pounds at this point--headed for linebacker status we think)
Today I have been sitting in a thought about his life.
I was recalling something I said to a freind just days before he died, knowing we were probably entering some of the ending days.
In hind sight it may sound noble.
But, the reality is it's hard to even admit I had this thought and still do.
"If God needs to take this child now, at a young age, then I would rather have him go now than to worry about him and his salvation as he gets older. I know now that he is solid in his relationship with Jesus. If this is what it takes to assure him of salvation or drifting away from God then ok."
Now that he would be 16. And now that I know that having a precious young child that has a close relationship with the Lord does not guarantee a teenager or adult that will walk with the Lord, I have a new appreciation for this thought I had almost 10 years ago.
It's really been landing with me today for some reason.
Holding our children with open palms to our Savior and saying "let it be so" is one of the hardest parts of parenting--and dare I say "life".
What if God takes you up on that offer?
I don't pretend to understand it completely.
However, I do know without a doubt this child knew Jesus.
When we were at St. Jude's the Fall before he died (April 29, 2004), he went to a Christmas church service where he stood up and held out his hand in a very mysterious sort of way -- and Peter asked him "what are you doing?" He said "I'm letting Jesus into my heart".
It was a very conscious act for him. An act that was led 100% by the Holy Spirit of God--no doubt about it. But, his acknowledgement of it was profound.
Happy Birthday dear Son.
We all miss you dearly
Remember you fondly and with the crazy spirit you lived life with.
To God be the Glory for allowing us to have you in our lives for 6 years.
love you much