My Family

My Family
Summer 2015

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Birth Order hahahahahaha

I've been mulling this over in my mind for a few weeks and thought it could be an amusing post.

First I must begin with a few caveats:
1.  I'm really not an insentitive lout.
2.  I realize what tragedy is and have walked it too many times
3.  Tragedy has torn my heart to it's core, but Jesus has healed so much.
4.  And thus I'm left with a warpped sense of life and humor.
5.  My mind is a strange strange thing and takes me down rabbit trails often.

We are about to travel in a few months to pick up our next 2 children ages 11 and 12 from China.  Let me say, even that part is questionable---not the adoption---the ages.  I look at paperwork and not all the numbers line up, but for the sake of this post, we are going to say these are the ages they are.

In 1990 we had a son Benjamin. Born at 30 weeks who died one hour after birth.
So First question.
Is he the "first born"?

Then in 1991, his brother Samuel was born.  He also died one hour after birth.
So Second question:
Is he the "second born?"

Then in 1995, their brother Isaac was born.  He is currently almost 20 years old. Alive and well.
So Third question.
Is he the "first born"? or is he the "third born"?

Let's assume he is First born since we never really knew Ben or Sam's personality.  Of course in OUR  hearts they will never be forgotten, but this is where it gets warped and weird.
Isaac often recalls how he wishes those older brothers were in his life.  So he has a place for them in his heart. And even on his arm.  His first official tattoo is 5 slash marks (one for each child in our family--he may need to ammend that now)

Then in 1998 their brother Jacob was born.  He lived 6 years.
So Fourth question:
Is he the second born? or the fourth born?
He died.
So is his place now different in our family?

Then in 2004, Lucas was born.  In China.  To a family.  He had a mom and dad.  What place was he in that family? Only? or a sibling?  Nobody knows.
He entered our family in 2011. Age 7. He took on the roll of "baby"; last born.

Since Isaac was the only living sibling at the time, he assumed the roll of "Second" born.
But, in all honesty.  He has grieved the loss of the brothers that came before him.  He definitely feels he is the "baby" of the family.  And "last born".

Now we are adopting 2 kids.
Their birth records show being born in February and September of 2003.  So technically they fall between Isaac and Lucas.

BUT, they are the last to enter our family.
Are they the "last born" or are they numbers 5,6 out of 7?


Live in our house.

Since Lucas has lived in our family for 4 years he has knowledge and experience as a child that would be "older" than these next two.  He will have things to share with them.  But, he will still be the "youngest".

If we all end up in therapy at some point, you will now know why.
Our family is a "mess".  (that's a southern term for something...not quite sure if it is a good thing or not since I'm a northerner living in the south)

So the order is
Ben, Sam, (both in heaven) Isaac, Jacob (in heaven), Lucas (wait is he last or #5?)...then Joshua, then Emma.  Or should it be by age: Isaac, Joshua, Emma, Lucas?  How should I sign their names on a Christmas Card?

These are the things that keep me up at night.
Where's my Lavendar Essential Oil.
Good Night!

1 comment:

  1. I would probably be mulling through these same things! Emma will be first born since she is the only girl but being an only girl she could be a princess in some regards. I think it's safe to say that Isaac is first born in spite of actual birth order. Beyond that, I think you're blowing all the birth-order theorizing out of the water and that's perfectly fine . . . it's all theory and an imperfect paradigm for which to understand personality traits. Let them be exactly who God is calling them to be, without a guide like birth-order. there's going to be some positioning at some point that may need to be navigated as Joshua and Emma pull age over Lucas and that may tricky to navigate (but that can happen in any larger family). Don't sweat it though. Mothers for centuries have done it this way so you won't harm your kids at all in that regard. So excited for all God is doing!