We often get small glimpses into Lucas's former life. Sometimes I wonder if the details are correct but sometimes I hear things and my heart just breaks.
I wonder why he has such a hard time doing school work. With homeschooling, there are days I just can't figure out what the deal is. He gets virtually violent because he doesn't understand something or doesn't want to do something. Then I have to work through all of that junk and push the "reset" button so he can even attempt to learn. It can be so frustrating. And can take a lot of extra time.
Tonight, out of nowhere as I was sitting with him, putting him to bed he said a few things...
First he asked me,
"Why do you like me?....Why did you adopt me?"
That's a loaded question for bedtime. I told him because when we saw his picture we "knew" he belonged in our family and we knew God had him planned just for us. He smiled.
Then a little while later as he was beginning to dose off...
"You want to hear what happened to me in China mom?"
"One time I was so hungry in school that I stole some food from some kids. And I got in trouble for it."
I asked, "what did they do?"
He said, "They kicked me out of the school and wouldn't let me come back".
He also said he, "Cheated" from other kids and took their answers in Math class because he didn't understand what was going on.
That explains a lot.
One "problem" with homeschooling one child...he cannot cheat off anyone elses papers. He has to do the work himself. Huh! No wonder he gets so mad! I told him he may have had problems in China but here, he is learning a lot and getting smarter everyday--he smiled.
I think he is beginning to see that indeed he "can" do this stuff. Little windows are opening. He is much farther along than he was last year at this time. Although we are moving at a pretty slow pace. I have to admit it is frustrating to me sometimes because we move so slowly. But, I also think about the things he can comprehend more now. I read some things to him the other day and then asked him some questions about it. He could answer all the questions in detail. That is stunning really--I think simply grasping the English language and also grabbing hold of the many quirks along the way is in a sense enough to keep a brain busy.
I hope he continues to remember his stories and his life and doesn't put it all completely aside forever. Some things may be good to forget, but others--still important to remember.