I have already mentioned dandelions in previous posts, I've mentioned missing Jacob our son who died at age 6 (9 years ago today) from cancer. I've mentioned how God was and still is worthy of being glorified even in loss.
Here are my previous posts including pictures of our sweet Jacob Georg.
Rambunctious and tender hearted:
April 29, 2011
April 29, 2012
So what does a mom say after she has been without her boy for 9 years? That just seems so long. He was 6 when he died so that means we have now been without him 3 years longer than we had him. And he'd now be 15+ years old. Not quite sure what to do with that if I think in "earthly" terms.
I had a sweet relative ask me a question this weekend and I feel like I stumbled over the answer because I haven't got just one simple answer to this question:
"How have you maintained your faith as you've walked through everything you have? It almost seems as if it is stronger now than it ever was."
I stumbled because I don't always "feel" so strong, and I often feel as though I falter more than I should at this age and point in my life. And somehow it sets me up as some kind of "expert" on the subject. I don't feel like an "expert".
I wanted to come up with a sentence or two that would be some great theological answer.
I think I responded by saying there is one thing I've known to be true
(in and through the loss of 3 children, loss of jobs, financial strain, loss of parents, major teen issues, adoption of a 7 year old boy from China needing feet amputated, moving and more.)...
God is Sovereign.
He definitely exists and is my Rock.
His plans are beyond my understanding.
I have had some angry words with him over time, but never "cursed" Him.
I'd like to add:
He simply first loved me and I love Him
I think the thing I've learned particularly over the past several years is to approach God with awe and reverence. Not out of a fear as in panic or "fear of doom". But, a fear as in a reverence for Him. And when I hear people say "I've got a few choice words for God on that subject", I cower. Even now just puting that on "paper" I'm almost anxious inside. He is Worthy and deserves all of our Honor and Glory and Praise. No "thing" or "cirucumstance" or "person" has the power to take His place in our hearts or our lives. And we NEVER have the right to treat Him with dishonor and a cavalier attitude like "I'll tell Him a few things"...(ugh...that makes me lose my mind)
On this day of remembering I recall again His sweet reminder every spring with the bright yellow dandelions that pop up in the grass. They return every spring about this time. And our yard was peppered with them the day of Jacob's death and funeral. I saw them in a new way that day.
Like most people I saw them as an annoyance, something that returns over and over again, a weed, something "ugly". I saw them as something to avoid and get rid of. Something to pull out and uproot or squelch with weed killer because they messed up my "perfect" lawn.
The realization is God used them in my life and still does as a reminder of the Prayers of the Saints. And also a reminder that my "perfect" life...well it doesn't exist.
We had so many people on their knees with us in our journey with Jacob, that I bet those prayers outnumberd the field of yellow I had in my backyard.
Today I'm thinking about Dandelions and Prayers and how God uses the things we consider weeds in our lives to show us blessings beyond blessings. I'm still not sure I'm able to ask for the weeds to invade my "yard" so that God can grow character and show me more blessing. But, I do know without a shadow of a doubt that if he does do that, I will survive because He is still Sovereign and He gathers every tear and holds it gently in the palm of his hand.
Again we remember our blond headed goof ball.
We miss him and wonder "again" how different life would be.
But, God is still Sovereign...over the Dandelions...
Oh, yes, you are right. I'm thinking of your sweet son, today, too.
ReplyDeleteSo beautifully put! You amaze me and bless us all!
ReplyDelete