My Family

My Family
Summer 2015

Saturday, May 25, 2013


I recently realized that I never really finished mom's story on my blog.  I was maintaining a Caring Bridge site for her during her journey.
She was truly a precious lady.
She went to be with Jesus on May 6, 2013 in my hometown in Wisconsin.

We believe she had pancreatic cancer.  It acted that way, but we really never got a definitive diagnosis because she decided she didn't want any further testing done and no matter what it was she was not going to do chemo.  She was a brave lady that knew Jesus.  She wanted to live in Today and not worry about tomorrow.  She wanted to live "until the Good Lord took her Home".  And she taught us well how to do that.  
Her first indication of illness was February 13, 2013, when she fell in her home and broke her right elbow.  We believe this was due to weakness and some other things probably already going on.  
She went home to be with her Lord just under 3 months later, May 6.--stunning really how fast it all went, but also such a huge blessing for her.  She dealt with very little pain (except in a broken elbow).  It was all so very peaceful in many ways.

We moved her from rehab to a beautiful facility with great care on April 26 and she was gone by May 6.  Nobody would have ever seen it coming that fast.  12 days.  I came home to Georgia on a Sunday and turned around and headed back on a Thursday and that Friday she had a lucid day and the weekend she was pretty out of it and gone by Monday.

My siblings and their spouses and children and several friends and her sister and family all had chances to say their good byes to her.  Everyone took their time with her and sat with her even when it appeared she wasn't aware.  

Isaac and I were in the room with her when she literally took her final breaths.  It was very peaceful and he was glad to be there.

On that Friday, May 3, she really shared with my sister and I some sweet moments.

We feel as tho she gave us a window into heaven and what she was experiencing.  But, also had messages she wanted to leave with us.  As she faded in and out she would say a few things.

Here are some of the blessings she shared: (most of this was in brief moments and she would be looking up at the ceiling as if she was seeing and experiencing things--she spoke in whispered/slurred tones)

Glimpses into heaven: 
“The Stars are so bright”
“His Grace is full of Grace”
bright sky
“Full of Light and Power”
“The children that you see...they’re filled with your power”
I can’t explain it.  
alleluia lord
i can see your face, I can see your face, I can see your face
(she started this on her own and we joined her)
halelluia, haleluia, halleluia, halleluia (like the halleluia chorus)

(here’s one that made us laugh, but it could be Biblical characters)
“I see Peter, Paul, and Mary’
“And your dad does too”...

“you all saw him too”

wasnt it a glorious glorious day
”He had on a red plaid shirt”

At one point she wanted to clear the air and have truth spoken so she asked us to tell her the truth.
tell me the truth
(my brother randy said :“you’re going to go to heaven mom”)
mom: “I know I am”---very clearly

hi randy
kissed through air smack

‘you dont have to pretend

its about new birth
no more pretending
please stop the pretending
no more pretending
(still adjusting pillows)

im so tired
makes me sick to pretend
lets do something else
im so tired of pretending

lots of mumbly slurry talk having a hard time hearing us
“It’s so peaceful Lord”

“All the Little Children Love Jesus”

In the evening mom told Randy 
“release me now” (verify with randy what she said)

“Each child lives in a holy place”
“They live their own lives”

“I see a candle light”

in a pleading sort of voice she said, “I’ve been waiting so long”
“I love you all so much”

“Jesus Take me Home”
“God is so Good”
She saw “All the people around Him

Messages for us:
He loves you so much, thank you.
We love you
“May they always love you Lord, may they never ever turn away from you may they never ever fall away from you”
You are His light
They are full of Truth
May they always be with your love. may they never ever fall away from you.  tears..may they Love you Lord.  
Hug your little ones. Hug everyone.  I just love you so much.
may all your children be at your side.
wheres randy
ok whose the next one
scott and heidi
im here
heidis here
scott is not here
just hug me
just hug me, gently

im doin good
“I love you so much”
“I just cant explain it to you”
“release them to heaven Lord that they may have a holy life in God’s holy place, 
God’s holy place.”
“They all have to know--it is real” almost tears in her eyes and a plea

later in the day when Randy was by her side she kept saying, 
“Shorten the road”...

“May they not cry, going home to heaven”
“that’s why you brought me here”
“Thank you Jesus”
“Hug and love each one”
she smiled
“Hug to each one of the grand children”
“I love each one”
“It’s so easy Lord”

he nurse was talking to her about the pretty spring flowers and the tulips coming up soon.  Mom said:
“For the rest of you what a miracle”

Todd (next door neighbor visited on May 3) 
she told him “we had a good life together”

There were so many precious moments with her.
The things that people said about her at the viewing were sweet and kind.
There were a few precious themes...
1.  all the ladies/ and some gentlemen that played cards with her (Bridge and Sheepshead)
2.  people at church who knew her for years
3.  many people talked about how her smile lit up the room and she made people feel good to be there.
4.  her real estate years/buddies/ people she sold houses to and for.
5.  her work with New Beginnings where she started a home for unwed mothers to help them out so they didn't feel like they had to have abortions.
6. Living as if today is what matters and being thankful for today.
7. loving Jesus and living out her faith\
8.  going out to lunch -- a LOT!  =)

I think the weird part for me was reconciling the seriousness of all of this with my mom's personality.  It still doesn't quite fit together.  She was a happy person for the most part and loved to laugh and enjoyed people so much.  She loved to laugh at herself which made life so fun in many ways. Death just seems way too serious to go alongside my mom and who she was.  Perhaps that's why I still smile even as I'm writing this.  
And I will really miss that crazy lady.  
I will also miss the wisdom of a momma.

And now. 
I kind of feel like an orphan at age 47. 
Isn't that the weirdest thing?
Even if you don't talk to them often or seem them a lot or live 5 states away, you always know they are there.  It's just weird to know they are both gone now.  Weird.
The assurance of her salvation gives me comfort beyond words.  And to have walked so closely with her in her journey, I think helped with the rapidness with which it all occurred.  Although I'm still a bit stunned by that last 12 days.  

Now the icky stuff starts with sorting through stuff.  But, to be honest, one of the gifts mom left us with was not being too much of a packrat.  She really was a pretty simple person, especially after my dad died.  It will still be a lot of work, but not as bad as it could have been.
Thanks for that mom. You are an inspiration to me to get my junk cleared OUT!

Jesus, hold my momma close.  And let her know we miss her and love her much.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Heidi! I am so sorry for your loss, but what a precious gift of being with her. Thanks for sharing such a sweet and personal time about your mom. She really seemed like such a wonderful person.