Being Real

Is. 41:10 (NASB) is my landing spot lately:

‘Do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,

Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

The adoption process is a tense and scary journey sometimes. 

There are anxious moments as you fill out paperwork in hopes that you will somehow "pass" the test--whether it is a blood test at the doctor, a homestudy inspection, a financial review, a fingerprinting appointment, a USCIS "exam" of your documents, or a review of all your paperwork from a foreign government. 

Finally, you get to the "end" of the paperwork journey and you realize---wowsa, our whole life is about to change.  Yes, we pondered this and prayed for over 2 years before we decided to move forward.  We know it is a privelege we have been given.  But, now that the days have started counting down and we are in the last 30 days before travel and not all the finances are there yet, and the rooms aren't quite ready, and we need to pack and plan the actual hotels, plane tickets and such, anxiety creeps in.

It's a sneaky little critter--anxious thought.  

It invades sleep.  It creeps up in the middle of the day.
It makes your heart pound unexpectedly at strange times.

It tries to distract from the Greater Purposes.  

It makes blood pressure rise and fuses get short.

and sometimes
Priorities get skewed when anxious thought invades.

Sometimes it's almost as if we seek out the anxious thoughts.  We let them run wild and untamed.

I'm just being real.

Thoughts about managing kids with special needs that I have no experience with.

Thoughts and reminders of the journey we had with Lucas--particularly at the beginning.

Thoughts and reminders about how "fun" the language barrier is.
Thoughts and reminders of the bills yet to be paid. ($15,000 still needed is crazy)

That old friend anxiety has come for a visit.

It wakes me up in the morning and I need to go to battle against it.
It rushes forward and floods my mind.
Scattered disjointed thoughts race around.
And other times thoughts get so focused that nothing else matters.
I almost can't hear the world around me.

I've come to realize I can:
1.  stay there.  be overwhelmed. let my heart pound out of my chest.
or
2. remind myself..."You've been here before" "You know what to do" "throwing up isn't an option" "laying in bed all day isn't a good choice" "a beach getaway ain't happening right now"

and "God is Faithful----most importantly----Remember----He IS Faithful"

Suddenly a song floats through all the noise and clutter of my mind.
A verse of scripture floats to the top.

songs:
"I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind...The God of Angel armies is always by my side...."
"Promise Maker, Promise Keeper...You finish what you begin..."

scripture:
"Do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,

Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." (Is. 41:10)

" Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Phil 4:6-7)

...and these are just a few.

What a waste of time to be anxious. I want the "peace that transcends all understanding".  I've had it.  The most prominent time I remember...the day/moment Jacob died.  It was surreal, and palpable.  But, God gave me peace that day.  Tears flowed don't get me wrong.  But there was a confidence and a peace.  Where did it go? Ah yes, once again, I need to return to scripture, God's Word, and Listen.

That is what I'm talking about when I say "God is Faithful".  It's not fluff.  It's real.  And I am needing to remind myself these days that he offered it then...He can offer it now.

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, ²¹ to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."  Eph. 3:20-21

It's real people.  And it's truth.

deep breath

*********

disclaimer:  I think I needed to write this today and put it all out on "paper" because I needed these reminders.  When I write, God reminds me how He puts all the pieces together.  Thanks for coming inside my head and my for a minute or two.  

Just Being Real.

H 

Our Adoption Stats--

Some people like to know the stats of the adoption process.

Each layer carries with it varying piles of paperwork and time. (can't really begin to calculate the time).  Sometimes it's just a matter of waiting for something to show up and other times it's time filling it out or running around getting things certified, notarized, authenticated, etc.  For those who like the stats...here they are....

May 27, 2014 decision is made after over 2 years of prayers and research and more prayers.  

We are adopting QJF and QYM from China.

Spent some time researching Agencies and making decisions about some other details.  Put in our application, began Homestudy process and...

PA on July 8, 2014.  

Sept. 9 I800a and Homestudy sent

11/13/14 I800a approval (last piece sent through Chinese Consulate in Houston directly to Agency) 

11/13/14  DTC 

11/21/14  LID 

12/4/14  OOT 

1/21/15  In Review-

1/27/15  LOA (in China system “soft LOA?”) 

2/3/15   LOA (in hand)

2/4/15  I800 sent 

 2/14)  Receipt Notice dated 2/9/2015  (rec’d hard copy 2/14)

hiccup—

RFE

UGH!!!!!

Sent 2nd set of $$ to USCIS didn’t know I needed to send a second check.  

3/11/2015-  1800 approval (verbal) 

—-FINALLY recv’d verbal approval for 1800!!! yay!

3/18/15   GUZ number recd (filled out ap and submitted)

3/19/15   Article 5 Drop off 

4/2/15  Art. 5 Pick up 

4/9/15  TA (soft) 

4/14/15   CA  (for June 2)

Someone asked me how many pieces of paper we have actually touched and "done" in this process.  I can estimate, but there is no way to completely know all of them.  Keep in mind we are adopting TWO kids so some of these items were doubled because of that.  And we haven't been to China yet...

DRUM ROLL PLEASE.....

we are at approximately 575 pieces of paper...not including all things we've had to photo copy but including the 2 full Dossiers.  

It's A LOT OF PAPER....let's just say that.  It's a bit hard to fully calculate.  And we have more to do in China--although most of it is done now.  

It is definitely quite a process and not for the faint of heart.  But, God is Faithful.  He carries us through.  

With our CA now determined, we hope to leave May 19.  But, final plans are still in the works.  

This is a bit of a dry post, but those stats are important pieces of information that I wanted to be sure to have centrally located.  

Stay tuned for more "personality" in future posts.  I promise, I'm really not this boring.

=)

Birth Order hahahahahaha

I've been mulling this over in my mind for a few weeks and thought it could be an amusing post.

First I must begin with a few caveats:
1.  I'm really not an insentitive lout.
2.  I realize what tragedy is and have walked it too many times
3.  Tragedy has torn my heart to it's core, but Jesus has healed so much.
4.  And thus I'm left with a warpped sense of life and humor.
5.  My mind is a strange strange thing and takes me down rabbit trails often.

We are about to travel in a few months to pick up our next 2 children ages 11 and 12 from China.  Let me say, even that part is questionable---not the adoption---the ages.  I look at paperwork and not all the numbers line up, but for the sake of this post, we are going to say these are the ages they are.

In 1990 we had a son Benjamin. Born at 30 weeks who died one hour after birth.
So First question.
Is he the "first born"?

Then in 1991, his brother Samuel was born.  He also died one hour after birth.
So Second question:
Is he the "second born?"

Then in 1995, their brother Isaac was born.  He is currently almost 20 years old. Alive and well.
So Third question.
Is he the "first born"? or is he the "third born"?

Let's assume he is First born since we never really knew Ben or Sam's personality.  Of course in OUR  hearts they will never be forgotten, but this is where it gets warped and weird.
Isaac often recalls how he wishes those older brothers were in his life.  So he has a place for them in his heart. And even on his arm.  His first official tattoo is 5 slash marks (one for each child in our family--he may need to ammend that now)

Then in 1998 their brother Jacob was born.  He lived 6 years.
So Fourth question:
Is he the second born? or the fourth born?
He died.
So is his place now different in our family?

Then in 2004, Lucas was born.  In China.  To a family.  He had a mom and dad.  What place was he in that family? Only? or a sibling?  Nobody knows.
He entered our family in 2011. Age 7. He took on the roll of "baby"; last born.

Since Isaac was the only living sibling at the time, he assumed the roll of "Second" born.
But, in all honesty.  He has grieved the loss of the brothers that came before him.  He definitely feels he is the "baby" of the family.  And "last born".

Now we are adopting 2 kids.
Their birth records show being born in February and September of 2003.  So technically they fall between Isaac and Lucas.

BUT, they are the last to enter our family.
SO
Are they the "last born" or are they numbers 5,6 out of 7?

Confused?

Live in our house.

Since Lucas has lived in our family for 4 years he has knowledge and experience as a child that would be "older" than these next two.  He will have things to share with them.  But, he will still be the "youngest".

If we all end up in therapy at some point, you will now know why.
Our family is a "mess".  (that's a southern term for something...not quite sure if it is a good thing or not since I'm a northerner living in the south)

So the order is
Ben, Sam, (both in heaven) Isaac, Jacob (in heaven), Lucas (wait is he last or #5?)...then Joshua, then Emma.  Or should it be by age: Isaac, Joshua, Emma, Lucas?  How should I sign their names on a Christmas Card?

These are the things that keep me up at night.
Where's my Lavendar Essential Oil.
Good Night!

Inviting others into the journey

This week we launched our t shirt fundraiser.
First let me say, I wasn't very comfortable starting fundraising. Just bein' real.

I felt if God wanted someone to help us with the financial piece, He would speak directly to that person and they would give if they felt led. That sounds very spiritual doesn't it?  And sometimes that IS how God works.
It wasn't that we didn't need the financial support. It's that I felt we stepped out in faith to adopt because God seemed to be showing us He was supplying what we needed to bring our kids home.
But, over the past 4 months or so we have realized how much we do need it. 
Much of our reserves were stripped away with several financial issues.
Perhaps that happened so we would step out and invite people into this process with us?
To us the financial piece has suddenly become overwhelming. 
But God is not overwhelmed.  
Nor is He surprised. 
I believe He is using this season to teach us once again about the body of Christ and their overwhelming generosity. And to show us what HE can do.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."  Ephesians 3:20-21

When we entered the tshirt fundraiser, I calculated some numbers so we could get an idea of what the fundraiser could produce.  Ha ha 

What I didn't consider was what God could produce.
What I didn't consider was people who I know are not financially "rich" buying a tshirt to show support.
I'm so humbled.
What I didn't consider was people who we haven't spoken to face to face in many years "showing up" in support via social media and buying a t shirt.
I'm so humbled.
What I didn't consider was the impact of our story for His Glory on people we have never met-buying a t shirt.
I'm so humbled.
What I didn't consider was people donating well OVER the price we set, to show support by buying a t shirt.
I'm so humbled.
I may be surprised.
But God is not.
He apparently wanted us to see we are not in this alone.  He wanted us to invite others "in".  Because after all, this story does not belong to us.  It's His Story --and lest we forget --for HIS Glory.

I am realizing God doesn't want us walking these journies alone. He wants others to be a part of it.
"Everything in heaven and earth is Yours oh Lord".   
  
"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession,that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 10 Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy."  1 Peter 2:9-10


We needed to allow margin in this process for God to do Immeasurably more so That We May Glorify Him for what He has done.  I'm seeing more and more that our small act of stepping out in faith has far reaching implications--much farther than we'll ever know.  

Thank you to all who already purchased shirts.
Our t shirt fundraiser goes until March 1.

You can find info here if you'd like to continue to pass it along:
www.jundtfamily.com

To God Be the Glory
Join Us

For Joshua and Emma--

The New Year, 2015 has arrived.
Another big year ahead and exciting things on the horizon.
As we step out in faith and move forward to bring our kiddos home, (see previous posts if you want the full story) we realize once again that God has a plan so much bigger than us.
Paperwork is well underway, and being processed overseas as I write this.
Christmas has come and gone.
And now we wait.
We are estimating traveling to get them in April or May of this year.

We have had people who wanted to know how they could support us in this process so here is our "list":

1. TONS of Prayer.  For the process.  For the kids hearts while they wait. For us to make necessary preparations.  For Travel as it approaches.--God Hears our Prayers.

2.  Continued adoption costs--
We anticipate our total adoption costs to be in the range of $50,000+.  Just being real and honest.
I would imagine some jaws just dropped.
I would imagine some people are thinking we've lost our minds.
But, we are not kidding when we say "God's got this".
It's so insurmountable, that we have nothing left to do but trust that He will come through.

God's Word says,

"Yours, Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, Lord, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all." (1 Chron. 29:11)

We felt called to the privilege to adopt these two kids, and have to trust God had the whole picture in mind.  What seems like a barrier to us, is nothing to Him.  He Will recieve the Glory.

If you feel led to help you can make a Tax Deductible donation and  DONATE HERE (Look for Emma and Joshua in the dropdown list)

3.  Remodeling some portions of our home to adapt some rooms.  Costs unknown at this time.  apx. $2-3,000? (local peeps that want to help with some labor are welcome--we hope to start in the next month or so)

4. Occasional childcare when they get home.  They are older, but won't be able to be left alone right from the start at least for a little while.

5.  More Prayer.

So if you would like to help, we would be beyond grateful.  It was not our intention to "ask" but we had people telling us they wanted to help in this way.

Every penny we raise will go directly to Emma and Joshua's journey to bringing them home.  The non-for profit organization we are using, Shepherd's Crook, doesn't take any overhead costs.  And all donations are tax deductible.

We made a little video...
We hope you enjoy "meeting" us and seeing just a glimpse of our family and the journey we've been on:

So is it ok with you if we lay out our need?
It's a very humbling process.

Here are our "babies"...waiting.
Let's get them home shall we?

Joshua

which means

Jehovah is Generous

and 

Emma

which means

whole/complete

(but it is also the name we chose for our first son before he was born so it has been in our family for a long time and is also my mother-in-law's name)

To GOD BE THE GLORY!

All Is Well

It's been a while since I've posted but the Fall was busy with finalizing paperwork.

We were DTC (paperwork sent to China)  11/13/14
We were LID (Logged into their system) 11/21/14
Then OOT (out of Translation)  12/4/14

Now we wait for a few months for China to do what they need to do for their examinations and approvals.
We have some more paperwork coming but I don't think it's super intense.
And of course we have financial things to take care of in the meantime.
(more on that in another post)
We are still hoping to travel sometime in April or May to bring our sweet Joshua and Emma home.  Yes they have American names finally. =)

We found out in August that Joshua was taken to Beijing for surgery on his foot.  We inquired again mid-Fall and he was still gone.

Today I got a precious email with a picture and a note...here are my babies in China.

When I opened my email and saw this I cried.
Really no greater Christmas gift.
My "babies" together in an updated picture.
We're comin'
We're comin'

As I was having my "moment", a new favorite Christmas song came on the radio...

All Is Well

Indeed All Is Well.  

And the Birth of Our Savior makes it so. 

What a precious gift He has given.

Merry Christmas to all!

That We May...Believe and Obey (7 of 7)

This is post 7 of 7...
Seven
The number of perfection right?
I'm not God, so don't expect perfection...lol

(this is post 6  all the other posts are listed in this post, so you can read all of them if you'd like.)

In the Fall of 2013, after Peter returned from a mission trip to Thailand he had a bout with Guillain-Barre syndrome which really caught us all off guard, but God used it in His plan and for His Glory.  Peter recovered better than anyone expected but it was a moment of "checking in" with life and our purposes and making things matter.  This disease landed him in the hospital for 5 days, but had the potential for paralysis and breathing machines.  It took him many months to fully recover but he is now back to normal. In it we both were hearing from God that we should stop running and submit.  I had anxiety issues over money because we were about to send a child to college and adoption is expensive.  Especially if we are serious about TWO!  I think we both struggeld with releasing everything in our lives with open hands and submitting ALL.  God had supplied for our needs, but it was hard to release it ALL.

In the spring (2014), I was having some real anxiety issues waking up at 4 a.m. thinking about "how could we even make this happen?" 
One Sunday in April, Peter had headed off to church early to serve and I laid in bed praying and pondering this thing.  I got up and suddenly the name "Todd Peterson" popped into my head.  I was in search of some wise counsel on the subject.  Todd works at our church  and is our community group leader.  He is also on the financial oversight team. But I didn't know him personally that well. We go to a relatively large church.  I felt like God was telling me we needed to meet with him. Would he even meet with us?

Random.
Maybe.
Or Not.
I thought I would talk to Peter about it when we both got home from church.

In the meantime, 
I went to church that day, with Lucas.  Planning to talk to Peter later in the day about this sudden development.

Most Sundays our pastor Louie speaks.  It's only ocassionally that he has someone else do the speaking.  And we don't know who is speaking ahead of time.

....guess who was speaking that day?

Todd Peterson. (he speaks just a few times a year)
Um.
OK.
I was surprised to see him there.
Care to guess what he was speaking on?
Care to recall what I was struggling with?  
(hint: stepping out in generosity with our finances and our lives)

Todd was speaking on Generosity!

It rocked my world again.
We were reminded it is a Privilege to be Generous--That We May.
That theme kept coming back around.
He had so many rich things to say but here were some that stood out that day:

"We cannot outgive God"
"God wants FAT- Faithful, Available, Teachable --people"
"God calls us from obscurity into extravagent lives"
"What we believe affects what we give"
"When we enter into the work, it points people to God"

The messages kept getting stronger and more obvious.  And the tug at both of our hearts was getting intense.

We ended up meeting with Todd and seeking wise counsel from him about our thoughts and ideas about adoption and he was very encouraging saying our community group would support us in our decision if that is where God would lead.  He offered a phone number of a friend who also had adopted from China with Special Needs kids.  This was huge to us since we had such a tight community when we walked other journeys in life like with Jacob.  Neither of us realized until Todd said that, how important that piece was to us.  Since we live away from family, our community becomes our family when our family cannot be there.

In our conversation he also brought forward:

Mark 9:24  ...“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

and 

Proverbs 11:25

“A generous person will prosper;
    whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”

Paraphrasing something else he said:

By adopting these kids and being generous not only with our finances but with our lives we would be a part of “refreshing” them and in it we would be refreshed.

I think we've often looked from a "flesh" perspective on this whole thing and how we think it might tap us dry.  How could taking care of special needs kids from another country that are "older" possibly "refresh"?  
Yet this is a great reminder of how things operate flipped upside down in God's economy.  He wants the last to be first.  He wants to refresh through things that seem like they could make us thirst.  When we are generous and pour out our lives or service or finances, in some way, He gives back to us what we are fearful to lose.  Of course we don't enter in with an expectation that He will give us a million dollars or make the path "easy".  
But, we Trust.  
We Believe.  
We Obey.
Because of what Jesus did for Us.  We need to live extravagent lives.

In April, I also had a precious dinner and conversation with my dear friend Katherine, whom I respect dearly. This is a journal entry I made on

April 29, 2014 (Jacob's heaven date 2004)

Katherine said: “Can I say something to you?”  
with a very penetrating but precious look.  

I have to admit I was a little afraid of what she was going to say. 
 (maybe she'd say "you're crazy" or "what are you thinking?"  or "you need more counsel on this")

But, she welled up with tears and she said, 
“Go get those babies”.....
I started to cry and got shivers.
I was overwhelmed.

She also said our life has really mirrored the life of Job.  And look at what happened to him...

He lost all 10 of his children and after the storm was through, God restored to him 10 additional children.  The exact number he had lost.  She said we too had lost 3 children.  And perhaps God is restoring what we have lost.  Not that these kids would replace our other 3 kids (Ben, Sam and Jacob) by any means.  But, perhaps God is trying to restore to us what we have lost. 

Again I found myself choked me up.  In no way are we trying to "replace" the numbers, but God is in the restoration business.  He can restore anything or anyone who has been lost.  What a wise and precious friend she is. (we didn't go in search of this, God brought it to us through our Lucas boy)

Regarding the finances, we talked about how God has been faithful in the past.  We need to remember His faithfulness.  If He is indeed calling us to be generous with our lives and money in doing this, then we don’t need to worry about what our future looks like.  He will provide.  

Today is Jacob’s “anniversary” date again.  One year ago today "the boy" appeared back on the list.  And he’s still waiting.  Maybe it’s time we get the lead out?

About one month later...

May 27, 2014 (journal entry)

(keep in mind we were processing all of this and listening to Lucas's prayers as they were intensifying, but he had no idea about all the conversations we had had or the wrestling we were doing or how intense the pull was getting at this point)

Lucas woke up this morning and these were the first words out of his mouth from upstairs.

L.  “mom, guess what?”

me: “what Lucas"

L. "I think we might get to adopt (the girl) and (the boy)”

me: (slightly shocked that those were the first words out of his mouth...)

“oh? why do you say that Lucas?”

L: “Because God just told me in my dreams”

me: “what did He tell you in your dream?”

L. “He said, You have to be patient and tell your mom and dad your going to be able to adopt (the girl) and (the boy)”

…pause..a few tears rolled down his precious cheeks…

”Mom, I just can’t let them go”

shaking my head AGAIN!

I mean really?

sort of gives me a pit in my stomach that we apparently aren’t listening and he says God told him…

”you have to be patient and tell your mom and dad”…

I’m rather speechless.

I emailed the above to Peter.  His response.. “Wow”.  

Later that day...

Peter came home told me he also had a revelation in the morning in the shower before all of this even transpired but he hadn't had a chance to tell me yet.  He felt God stirred this up in his heart:

"Do we believe or not?"

We looked at each other while sitting on the sofa and realized this thing was Sealed Up.  The conviction was strong.  We both knew the answer had to be "yes" even though we didn't have all the details figured out.  We both knew we were being propelled forward into a new adventure.  

God had spoken directly to my husband and challenged him and in doing so had challenged me.  Of course I did find it funny at this point that I had 80 (yes EIGHTY) pages in a journal on the subject, and he gets FIVE words from God in the shower...and it's Done and Sealed up!  =) hmmmmm  

I love God's sense of Humor!

We waited to tell Lucas until we had some initial footwork done.

and here is his response:

He was overwhelmed with all the implications of having his "friends" become a part of our family.

Precious boy.

Believe it or not, I could give even more details on Bible verses and songs and sermons and conversations and prayers and circumstances that led us to this place.  But, our prayer is for all who read and follow this story, God's Glory is the Top Theme.  It is obvious, we have struggled and doubted and prayed and sought and even attempted to run or wait.  But, God's Sovereign Plan is greater.  His Timing is beyond perfect.  His Glory and His Renown are to be Praised.  This story is His.  This story is not about perfect people.  And His Extravagent Generosity toward us could never be repaid in anything we have to offer.

We've been called to

Believe

and

Obey

To God Be the Glory Forever

stay tuned.....

(PS. Many close family members and friends were a part of the wise counsel and prayers associated with getting us to this place.  Like I said I have 80 pages of journaling from this process.  I would love nothing more than to mention every one of you by name and the sweet words and prayers you shared.  I'm just limited here for sake of everyone's sanity and eyestrain.  So please know you were also an important part of this and I cannot possibly name you all...but thank you thank you thank you).