My Family

My Family
Summer 2015

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

things people say...

A friend asked me the other day if there are things people say that bother me regarding our adoption.  I suppose people have said some things that I kind of wonder about.  But for the most part over time and the experiences we have had, I've tried to learn that sometimes people just really don't know what the appropriate things so say or ask are, so I just try to have conversation with them.  I'd rather have people directly ASK me something than stare at us or wonder.  Enter into conversation please.  So if you are reading this and you have questions....just ask me.  I'm open to answering.  But, please be sensitive to Lucas if he is standing next to me.  He is understanding more and more now.  And could you please train your children to not stare at his little feet? or point and then say "why do you only have 2 toes?"---He is really very comfortable in his own skin, and seems to let it roll off his back.  And I know they are kids, but just give them a little guidance in this area---cuz it won't be long and we'll be showing up at the pool next year with peg legs and new feet.  hmmm that will be a conversation starter.

So, a few days ago an aquaintance was hearing me talk about Lucas and said an innocent comment--but this is probably one that sticks out to me as "really"?
She said "He calls you sweet".
Um yes he does.
Um yes I AM his momma.
It was innocent enough.  But, the underlying thought implies I'm not.  I try not to read too much into these things but that one just stuck out to me.  I feel like I am 100% his momma. What should he call me?
We don't quite have the language mastered yet to explain all of what has gone on to Lucas and he doesn't have the ability to ask this level of questioning yet.  But we will answer whatever comes up about his past to the best of our abilities.  And we will willing tell him WE are his momma and daddy now and forever.  Ocassionally he will try to call me "Heidi"---I do not let him do that.

The other question that comes up in almost EVERY conversation....
What about school?  Where will he go to school?  What grade will he be in?  How are you going to handle his education?  It's sort of funny. It's like--we won't educate him or we haven't thought about it.  This must be a very prominent topic on people's minds when they see us at the pool, etc.  I answer it politely, but it's just a funny thing to me for some reason.  I don't go up to other people at the pool and say "how do you educate your child?" or "do you plan to send him to school next year?"  If you have asked that question it's really ok.  I will keep answering it even if you look at me crosseyed when I say I will probably homeschool him....But, it just seems funny to me.

I've heard some great things about our elementary school.  And it IS very diverse and there are a lot of Asian people in this area so I'm sure he would do great culturally.  But, I homeschooled Isaac until High School, why would I not do the same for Lucas?

ok just had to post that little tid bit.


  1. Heidi,
    I've heard it all, too, especially the one about language since we adopted older. It is funny the things some people get stuck on. I too get the "are they all sisters" question quite often. I don't get offended either. I always remember back to my days before adoption...I was so ignorant of every thing adoption related. I treat the questions as an opportunity to educate and get them thinking about adoption. Now..if they get too inquisitive, I'll have to answer differently.

  2. I LOVE to talk to people about it, so if they launch into something or I can see they are checkin' us out I sometimes approach Them...that's fun! I figure they must have questions and since I love to ramble on and on, i'm gonna go ahead and talk.
    The pool in our neighborhood has been a fun place to chat. Last year at the pool, I would go and sit and pretty much stay to myself. People really didn't talk to me much, but Lucas creates conversation. It's Great!