My Family

My Family
Summer 2015

Monday, April 23, 2012

LID 9/1/06--a strange day

LID 9/1/06---
What does that mean?
If we had waited in line for our non-special-needs referral from China we would be getting a referral right now for a baby girl.  China has just arrived at our "date" or our "position" in line for a referral -- IF we had waited and not gotten Lucas.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that we did the right thing in bringing Lucas into our family.  And several months ago I realized how long it would be before we would have gotten a referral.  The special needs program operates differently and has a different set of rules and wait time than non special needs and "girl as young as possible".  

But, today, I feel a little sad for some reason.  It's all about having a greedy heart or something. 
I wish I could have both! 

Now having Lucas for a year, it would have been so great to add that little girl.

My heart breaks, but at the same time, I know she was never meant for us--it's just weird to think about.  When we started the process and had such a heart for "her", it seemed so right.  Isn't that weird?  Now I waiver between thinking she is now someone else's little girl and she was never meant to be ours in the first place.

It would have been 5 1/2 years of waiting.  That's insane.  I know God's Sovereignty is all over this.  But, I'm still grieving a little bit.  I waited for that little girl...for a long time.  And it will never happen now.  

Yes I'm also 5 years older---not sure a "baby" was what we needed in our house right now.  I guess that is why God is in Control and I am not.  I'm not suppose to understand it all.

1 comment:

  1. How different your life would be had you waited. Just when we think we know God's plans for our lives, he goes and changes it!