reflections

We have been home with Lucas for 9+ months now.
So much has changed.
This young boy has come so very far.

This is what he looked like the first day/moments we saw him.  A frightened booger nosed little boy.  My heart still sits like a rock in my chest as I look at these pictures.  I just want to say..."I'm so so so so sorry that you have to go through this pain...to get to the other side"  

What must he have been thinking as he looked at this piece of paper that said these weird people were going to be his momma and daddy?

I have to say, I was stunned by how deeply he grieved those first moments and days.  But, now that I know him, I know
He is a very passionate little man.
He feels deeply.
He loves deeply.
He grieves deeply (even for people he never knew--ie Jacob--his big brother)
He gets angry fiercly (but regains control a whole lot better than 8 months ago--whew!)
He is hysterical.
He plays intensely.
He organizes efficiently (when he wants to).
and
He is going to be a fireman (or police man) someday

I bring this all up today because he wanted to look at the pictures from our trip today.  He saw these and just sort of shyly smiled.  I asked him if he was scared.  He said "yes".  He said his "aiyi" (nanny pictured) was telling him that these people are his mama and daddy and that he was going to live with us and he shouldn't be scared.  But, really.... he had a whole lot to be scared about.

We knew that we were going to treat him well, but what did he know?
We talked funny.
We were funny looking I'm sure.
He had no concept of family.
and the list goes on.
Now he looks and smiles at me as I zerbert his belly because he realizes the reality is we were not as bad as he thought we would be.  whew!

Sometimes, it's hard to believe this is the same little boy...

Sometimes I just go through my days as if he has always been here.  I get frustrated like with any other kid.  I yell.  I get overwhelmed by the toys and stuff all over the house.  I get tired.  But, today, after pulling up those pictures and briefly walking through those initial days with him again, I'm completely blown away--again---by God's abundant Grace and Mercy.  By His sovereign plan--I become speechless when I think about the transformations God has made in all of us, in and through Lucas and this adoption process.  Opening ourselves up to loving him and being vulnerable with our hearts in absorbing him into our family has been such a journey.  

How can you NOT love this little boy?