My Family

My Family
Summer 2015

Monday, July 4, 2011

Round 2--The Foleys are here and daddy and Isaac are Home!!!!!

We had our 13 guests on Friday night...Lucas had a BLAST swimming until about 10pm and went to bed quite late.  They left at 6:30 am on Saturday and Lucas woke up...Fortunately he also went back to sleep or it could have been an ugly day.

We had a royal meltdown anyway late in the day.   More on that later.

Foleys from Wisconsin arrived early evening on Saturday and we have had fun just chatting and exploring and eating together.  Went to the Smith House Plantaion, ate at a yummy restaurant called the ......(have to check on that name--so yummy),

Then we found a cool Chinese market area that I have been wanting to check out.  I LOVE the fact that I found it for the first time with my sweet friend Betina by my side.  Whenever I go to places like this I think of her and my friend Liesel who are my favorite "foodie" friends.  I always wish they could be with me but they live so far away.   It was so cool to have her there to enjoy this new discovery.  Lucas slept in the car for a little while before he came in with Brad.  There was a lady there offering chinese dumplings as a sample.  She spoke chinese to him but he turned away from her.  She even offered a dumpling very sweetly to him and he would NOT take it or eat it.  He LOVES dumplings.  These reactions are still so surprising to me.  But, I cannot force interactions either.  We did find some great things that he LOVES at the store--one of them being chinese Milk Tea.  He was pretty excited about that.

After the market we were off to church together in the evening at PCC.  I LOVE taking people to our church.  I love worshiping with friends and learning more about how to step up my walk with the Lord.
Afterward we stopped for burgers and shakes at Steak n Shake.

By the time we got home at 10pm, Peter and Isaac were home.  Isaac greeted us outside and Lucas began high pitched screaming as soon as he saw him.  He jumped into Isaac's arms and squeezed him sooooo hard I think Isaac's neck almost broke.  Then he ran inside to see daddy and screamed so loudly I could hear him outside.  He was WOUND UP!  He saw some fireworks in our neighborhood outside and just got extatic.  He was none stop talk and chatter and dragged all of us out onto the porch to see the fireworks around us.  He literally was bouncing off the walls and herding us like sheep.  This was one excited and happy and crazy boy.

He ended the day by laying down with Isaac and they slept in his room together all night long.

Peter and I had a long discussion about the meltdown episode.  He had gone to a seminar on adoption and issues related to it this week at the C-stone Festival they were at.  He talked about the root causes of some of this stuff and how it can literally be fear or anxiety or memories or the whole ball of wax.  During this episode, Lucas did hit, kick, attempt to spit, and even bite.  I held him and spoke calmly to him but he did not like at all.  He screemed.  I say all of this because there are times when I feel inadequate.  Just being honest.  During it, he went back to his new "fall back position"  "No America, Lucas Mongolia".  He tells me he wants to go back.  I tell him he is ours forever and even in the midst of it I tell him I love him and will love him forever---he says "NO!"  I say "YES" -- I will have that battle  to the end.  I will continue to tell him I love him even if he rejects it.  I'm pretty stubborn.  When it is all done, he always comes for a hug and says "Lucas stay here, no Mongolia"-- sometimes it just takes a while.

Later he told me he doesn't like to be held "like this" and showed me how I was holding him (basically holding my arms across his body- as gently as I can unless he tries to pull away-and with my legs across his- again as gently as I can--all the time talking calmlly to him).  I told him I will not hold him like that again if he does not hit or kick me.  He cannot seem to get the connection.  I said it over and over and over and over again.  "if you don't hit or kick, I won't hold you like that"....hit and kick...then it happens---"if...then"....He just could not see it.  This is not about a language barrier.  He "understands" me.  I know that for sure.  All he could focus on was NOT being held like that.

SO, conclusion after talking to Peter---maybe this is about something bigger than the issue at hand.  Bigger than what a "typical" kid might experience.  Maybe it's not "just" disobedience, or disrespect that he is showing.  Maybe there is something in his past that it reminds him of and we need to do something different. OR maybe it is BOTH!  But, "what?"  If someone is hitting and kicking you what do you do that is effective?  We talked about therapy.  Maybe we start it sooner than later.  The problem is, he has these meltdowns maybe once a week or less.  Most of the time they can be avoided by food, rest, etc.  Could it be related to all the activity, company, missing daddy and Isaac?  maybe.  But, this one started because I said "no" to a toy in a store.  He wanted it and that was the end of it.  I pointed that out to him after it was all over too.
We are commiting to reading more about it, researching and getting to the roots.  All I can say right now is adoption is not for the faint of heart.  But, the rewards far outweigh even the toughest moments.

My heart just breaks sometimes when I think of all the layers under the surface of our boy.  We are in for the long haul and will search for answers together.

Today should be interesting with the fireworks and activities that again will go late into the night.  After tonight I think we can "settle" back into some routines--uh least for sleeping, etc.  Overall, he LOVES the people and going places and activity.  He really does.  He is very social.  He just woke up and asked when the party starts today....and I just heard him in our room scream "I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!!"

And today he is excited to say
and see
the FIREWORKS!!!!!

Happy Fourth of July everyone.....

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