Peter picked it out a few nights ago to watch.
If you are like us you might think,
"this is a great movie about a girl saving some birds"
"a sweet story"
Until you start the movie and realize at the beginnig there is a terrible accident to set up the story which includes the mom dying in a car accident and the young teen girl surviving the accident. She goes to live with her dad who was divorced from the mom years before. He's an artist living out in the country somewhere in Canada. Then she rescues some goose eggs and hatches them out and trains the birds to "Fly Away Home" to the south to migrate.
We just didn't really think about how impactful this would be to Lucas but it was pretty much too late to pull back on it when the accident happened and she was dead. I knew I'd be answering questions for days. And I have been. What is "dead"? and "why is she never coming home again?" and "where is the momma?" Then all the questions about doctors, hospitals, ambulances, etc. etc.
Today, it struck Lucas that our Jacob---was dead.
We have pictures around our house of him with us.
So, we've told him that Jacob was in heaven with Jesus, but these are hard concepts to convey. Not only is death in and of itself hard, but the language issues do come into play too at a moment like this.
Lucas went to one of our pictures and he sat in front of it. And sweet tender tears began to form.
The picture he sat in front of was a different than this but the same sitting day. All of us were piled on top of eachother with Jacob at the top. I don't have a digital version of it. This was taken the week after Jacob's first surgery and diagnosis Dec. 2002.
He looked at the picture and started to weep. Tears just welled up in his eyes when he realized that this boy...Jacob, was part of our family, but won't ever be coming home again--when he realized he would be another big brother for him to share life with. When death suddenly had a more personal meaning.
We hugged eachother and shared some tears.
Then he said these things:
"Lucas, Isaac, Momma sad"
"Jacob not coming home......anymore"
"Lucas, mom and dad very sad"
"I love Jacob"
"why didn't he see me?"
"Jesus loves Jacob"
"Jacob loves Jesus"
"Jacob not coming home"...again and again and again
Such a hard moment, but he needs to know this part of our family history too. 7 years ago, Lucas was born in China--January of 2004. 7 years ago, our boy Jacob was dying of cancer---April 2004. Do I understand God's sovereign plan and ways? not at all. Do I trust Him with all my heart? Yes! Do I always agree with His plan and direction? Not always willingly. My emotions can take over and really mess with my head. But, I DO know that He is the author of our lives. He writes the story. And the main theme? His Glory! So whatever happens I WILL give Him Glory--even if it is the hardest thing I do.
But, today...Lucas grieved. Today, I greived yet again...with him. There will be more questions. But, I know we will get through it and hopefully in the journey we will be able to share our Faith with him and show him there still is Hope in the future and seeing Jacob again alongside grandpa (my dad). I tried to convey Heaven and Jesus. But these are big concepts for someone only here for 5 months who never even heard those words in his own language. The Holy Spirit has got to convey these concepts because my words fall short.