So, lest anyone believe that adoption and Lucas are synonymous with a smooth and perfect life....uh hum...not so much. We have our "days" and today was one of them. I won't go into too much detail, but it started out rough and had it's bumps and kinks. I leave this day with several thoughts
1. How do you teach someone who really has never "owned" anything himself, to respect property, including things you would expect him to cherish?
2. How do you teach someone that screaming in someone's ear is painful and hurts?
3. How do you teach someone that spitting in the face of those you love is unaccepatable?
4. How many times do you have to repeat yourself to "get through" to "someone"?
And then I realize....
it's "me"
1. If I really think about how many times I take the "things" God has given me for granted.
2. If I really think about how many times I "spit" in the face of God by not loving him the way I "should".
3. If I really think about how many times my actions probably sound like "screaming" and hurt Him deeply?
4. If really think about how often God has to repeat Himself to me for me to "get it"...
My heavenly Father has "adopted" me into his family--I am His own child. He does not distinguish me in the Inherhitence as "the adopted one"...like it's some sort of lesser position. I am FULLY His. He has given me a place in His kingdom for Eternity, yet I must sound so stubborn, sassy, self-absorbed, and deaf to Him sometimes. I mean really.
So I leave this day
reflective
I may not have handled it perfectly. Certainly no where near how My Heavenly Father would have done it as a parent. Ugh!
But, just as Lucas left this day with "I'm sorry Momma"...I too say "I'm sorry Daddy" for the way that I have treated you poorly today, or not shown the respect I should have. And as I left Lucas today--telling him "I Love You Lucas"....so my Heavenly Father also says "I love You!"....Somehow today it has a whole different meaning.
PS
Thanks for listening to my honesty....it is a bit hard to admit.
Yes, God uses our children to show us our inadequacies and loves us anyway. Many times I need to be reminded. I failed miserably today with my eldest son..said things I should not have out of frustration. God showed me to be very slow to speak. I let my frustrations get the best of me. Fortunately, our Savior gives us another opportunity, another day to get it right. Oh, how wonderful it will be to finally sit by his throne and not worry about it all anymore!
ReplyDeleteDo the best you can. The Lord will give you the strength you need when things get tough. He really showed me today.
Well said Cheri. And well said Heidi. I know it was hard to write, and even harder to live it all, but you are doing exceptionally well. Not because of any super human strength of you own, but you are doing well because you yourself are an example of 'teachability'.
ReplyDeletePS on the days that you do feel like you need super human strength, try wearing a cape. And leap a lot. Like in Publix, leap. And talk into your ring like it's a secret microphone. This will definitely help your day.
amen sister. and i need a cape! ;)
ReplyDeleteread this today and thought you would enjoy. much of what you said, repeated.
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/05/for-the-mother-who-fears-failure/