Reality

I'm not sure how much more "prepared" we could have been for this surgery.  We knew when God led us to Lucas this was part of the plan.  A few things got changed and tweeked along the way, but we knew amputation was part of it all.  We prepared him and we knew it as well....

Yet, when he came back from surgery and we pulled back the covers to see his sweet little legs covered in feetless casts, something was still a tad shocking.  Long casts with stubs at the end.   

 I felt like 

"what have we done?"

a bit of guilt has swept over me in the past several hours. 

I saw it and reality struck:  

"now we've really entered the realm of 'special needs'" (which I'm ok with but reality is reality)

I've had moments of: 

"this is for his good" (as in trying to convince myself)

and 

"I know we will get through this"

I've talked with enough people and read enough stuff to know the truth of the matter is he will be running and back to "crazy man" mode soon.  But, this part is hard.

He started coming out of his grogginess a while ago, but was very fitful.  (understandably so).  His pain piqued around 6:30 or so with crying and screaming.  So hard to watch and not cry.  But that would not have helped him at all.  They increased his pain med in his epidural and he fell asleep again.

Finally, I think we have things under control...
Praying that we keep it managed tonight and from here forward.
God is in Control.
He is the Great Healer.

******
8pm he asked me if his feet were gone already.  I said "yes".  He almost seemed surprised but not in a scared way, more of a "really?" He's such a trooper.