Maybe that has also been exaserbated by the experiences that we've had and the losses we have experienced with Ben, Sam and Jacob. But, today I really felt it strongly. As I watched Lucas play, as I watched him run, as I watched him swim, as I watched him ride his bike, I felt twinges of melancholy. There is a level of grief that happens when someone is having an amputation. I have no idea what that is going to be like for him, but I know as a momma, I'm gonna miss those sweet baby toes. So I watched him use those tiny little feet and toes today and play with abandon. I'm on the edge of a few tears this evening just thinking about them.
We "knew" he was our boy by the information we were given about his legs, etc. in documentation from China, but, somehow when we first took off his little shoes and put him in the bathtub there, I was surprised to see only 2 toes and some very misshapen feet. I just missed that part. We knew his legs were going to require work/possible amputation and we jumped on board with him even with that knowledge. So in reality we just were assuming the feet would "go". But, I have grown to love those "Sweet Baby Toes" and he knows it.
Today I purposed to
take him on a bike ride,
to run and chase with him,
to take him to an indoor pool--where he jumped off the diving board into the 12 ft. and swam to the side by himself...
(We talked about how swimming would be different after he has no feet. He said "I knows")
and even to video tape him and interview him about his expectations, and the details he knows about his surgery and recovery.
I feel like I'm trying to grab every sweet little moment and create memories that we will have for a lifetime. And to answer his own questions if he has them in the future. I really hate regrets--so I really wanted to try to capture some things that I thought would be important (I'm sure I missed a few)
So, tonight I rest.
I go to sleep just a little on the sad side, but knowing as I've said before that God goes before us. There are things yet to be seen that are beyond our imagination.
It's a hard thing to face, yes.
But, when I see the peace and willingness in Lucas....how can I be sad? He's begged for FIVE toes for so long, and the days are rapidly approaching when he will eventually have them.
All Glory to God!